So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
