Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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