he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
