I wanna passion pit in your ass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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