my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
