I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
