I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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