It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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