i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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