i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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