I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
