it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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