That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
