mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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