I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
