I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
