Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
