You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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