Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
