i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
