6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
