i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
