So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
