so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
