i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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