the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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