btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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