I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
