Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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