I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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