shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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