you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
