so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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