Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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