So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
cat food counts as protein by the way
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
