Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Bring me that man meat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
