I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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