She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
