idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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