My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
