i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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