Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
