He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
