We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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