Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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