One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
