The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
