I accidentally had phone sex last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
