hotel room ftw
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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