wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
