We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
