When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
