nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
