Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
