The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
