I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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