Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
