I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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