he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
