I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
