It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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