so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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