If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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