I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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