I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
