Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
