I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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