Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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