I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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