my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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