saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
