i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
