You made me cry and you don't even care
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
